Top Fountains at Stanford Ranked by Their Probability of Not Having Disease

What better way to relax after a hot day than a dip in one of Stanford's many famous fountains! For your reading pleasure, here is a list of the top Stanford fountains (ranked by their probability of not carrying diseases).

6. Sunken Pool

I’ve seen a grown ass man drop an entire vodka soaked melon into this water while other drunkards do straight up laps like its Arillaga gym. Students treat the Turman fountain like its a hybrid olympic pool/Cabo water-bar and I highly doubt that the amount of chlorine in the water is ready to take on KA Darty SZN. Truly the Reno Waterpark of Stanford, this place makes you say “ehhhhhhckkk, still looks fun. :p” Very germy.

5. The Claw

Stanford has Claw fever! And you will too if you swim in here for too long. If you want the drama of swimming in the most famous fountain on Stanford’s campus, you can take a little bacteria. Thems the big leagues, baby. Semi-germy.

4. Red Hoop Fountain

The super fun waterfall aspect of this saucy number is the reason its both a great afternoon spot AND a favorite of germy little gremlin children. Due to the latter, this meyer green, day-care lookin’ landmark is likely home to many sicknesses. But thanks to the large waterfall, Little Susie’s snot is broken up into the water, so you probably won’t even notice! Semi-germy.

3. Old Union

With reflective blue tiling, this fountain is the Exclusive Adult Pool on the cruise ship of Stanford, with less mimosas but the same lack of grimey germy kids! Relax with a plate of Cajun fries and an “almost-Boba” from TAP as you hop about. You can even watch the common-serfs of the cardinal world frolick next-door in The Claw Fountain, catching viruses as you, a king, enjoy the thinking man’s fountain. Pretty clean.

2. Science Hub Fountain

Hewlett and Packard paid top dollar for this AI managed wonder-fountain. Upon learning that they could not hop with their laptops and microchips without ruining them, the engineering students the fountain was built for refused to jump in it. Nearly deserted, the fountain is now one of the cleanest hopping destination for any water-lover! Clean.

1. Roble Arts Gym

This beautiful fountain located in the heart of the Roble Arts gym is pure elegance and sittin at #1 baby. Due to the fact that it is surrounded by arts classrooms with no easy exit, you have to drag your soggy self out the front door, past all of the pompous TAPS majors. This makes it an unused, oh-so-clean spot for your jumping pleasure, safe from dirt! Very clean.